I WENT TO DISNEYLAND.
Okay, not really. Disneyland doesn't fucking exist in Florida. That's California's deal. What we got is Magic Kingdom, Epcot, Animal Kingdom, and Universal Studios.
I am clearly a failure as an American, as my parents never took me to Disney when I was a kid, and I can only be grateful, because I don't think our relationship would have survived the experience. Disney has this general aura of over-tired toddlers and dissolving marriages tempered only slightly by the manic smiles of the 'cast members'.
This is not to say that Disney is not awesome. It is the most magical motherfucking place on Earth. But I am all kinds of glad that I didn't go until I was old enough to understand that an hour and a half wait for Space Mountain means an hour and a fucking half.
My wife, zece
, works for the Disney Monster, and was therefore able to score parkhopper tickets that would have cost about $130 apiece, otherwise. We tottered on over to Epcot in the AMAZING WEATHER, THANK YOU FLORIDA, and promptly began to drink, because one's 21st birthday is a year-long affair. Obviously.
Then we went to Magic Kingdom and stood in line for forever and a half to ride Space Mountain. Worth it, but I was kind of ready to kill every child in the place, because we had clearly reached the magical meltdown hour. There was screaming.
And then we rode Space Mountain and I did some screaming, too.
And then there was trying to outrun several marching bands, the Pirates ride (bamf), the Swiss Family Robinson treehouse (LOVE), and then the TRON-O-RAIL.
For those who don't know, Disney painted one of their monorail trains to look like a lightcycle in honor of Tron: Legacy
. And I was not going to rest until I rode the Tron-o-rail. We had been wandering the parks for hours, and all of us were at varying degrees of intoxication, but my friends were sweet enough to wait with me while I lurked on the monorail terminal until the god damn Tron-o-rail came by. I refused to sit down on it, because that would have detracted from the experience.
In short, LOL DISNEY.
On a slightly less awesome note, WHAT THE FUCK FLORIDA DRIVING. You people are MORONS and need to get out of my WAY.I have six stickers on my car, in case you were wondering.
ALSO: I Am Number 4
is worth seeing for one reason and one reason only. And that reason is Timothy Olyphant.
LOL LIFEBONDS. SOME TROPES WILL NEVER DIE. XD