zfreelance: (Watch the World Burn)
The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement

I am in awe of how amazingly awesome this is.

GO LEMMINGS GO!

::...::

Jun. 16th, 2010 08:35 pm
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Not Today!)
"Hey, we got a bad one."

"How bad?"

"Florida."

- Criminal Minds Season 3 Ep 8


"Okay... Those Satanists in Florida, they marked their victims?"

"Yeah. Reverse pentacle on the forehead."

"Yeah. So much F’d up crap happens in Florida."

- Supernatural Season 2 Ep 3


According to TV, Florida is filled with cannibalistic Satanist serial killers who just love to feed what's left of their victims to the gators. There seem to be more Criminal Minds episodes taking place in Florida than in ANY OTHER STATE.

XD For God's sake, does Florida seem THAT weird to the rest of the world?

(And, for the record, Mickey Mouse is NOT our fault.)

Anyways...

Jan. 5th, 2010 12:57 am
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Something Completely Different)
On a side note, according to the 2010 List of Banished Words, 'bromance' is right out.

Yeah, fuck you guys. You can pry my bromance from my cold, dead fingers.

Also, think about it. Without bromance, you're just left with gay.

Choose wisely, 2010.
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (WTF!)


I WANT THIIIIIIIIIIS. WHERE IS THIS IN MY LIFE.

Oh Lawlz

Oct. 2nd, 2009 06:36 pm
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Tea and Attitude)
So, apparently there has been panic in my family, over my Facebook.

I have heard nothing about this, but this seems to have been going on for a good while.

My step-grandmother and aunt are both my friends on Facebook. I keep this in mind (most of the time) when it comes to my Facebook stats, posts, pictures, etc. But mostly, I don't care.

Apparently my grandfather got wind of either a) my updates or b) the fact that I'm going to a gay rights march in a week (!!!!).
He seems to have told his son, my uncle, about this. My uncle calls his brother, my father, in a panic.

Now, I'm hearing this fourth hand from my mother, who is as weirded out as I am. But apparently, one of the complaints is that I'm using "un-ladylike language."

To which I reply, "Orly? Good thing they can't see my LJ!"

The hilarity of this situation is exactly how much out of left field all of this is. I've not seen nor heard from this side of my family for more than two years, and as far as I knew, they had forgotten I existed, which has not bothered me one bit. But now they seem to be getting re-involved with my life. Indirectly. I think?

My parents are baffled. Of the grandchildren/nieces and nephew they could be worrying about, they fixate on me?
It just shows how out of touch they are, that they go to my parents with their concerns. My parents are both like, "Uhh... You know, once they hit 18, there's not a lot we can say." That, and they do not give a damn what I do, so long as I don't get caught doing it.

I don't even know. But I guess this means I'm written out of the will. Or something.

Lawlz.
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (::snerk::)
I just discovered Urban Prankster, a site dedicated to shining the light on some on mankind's more hilarious and artistic methods of fighting monotony, brought to you by the same people who gave us Improve Everywhere.

The story that caught my eye (besides everything) was the hacked traffic signs that read "Nazi Zombies Ahead!"
It was a top news report, and everyone seems to only be giving lip service to the fact that it was a crime. The rest of the world knows that it was awesome.
There are websites teaching you how to hack into traffic signs on your own, but I will not link nor visit these sites, as I am probably on enough FBI watchlists as is.

Anyway, check it out!
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (::snerk::)
So I plan on seeing District 9 tomorrow. I've casually invited a friend of mine and my father, as well as posting an open invitation on Facebook.

Here are the various responses:

Friend: Fuck yes.

Dad: I don't want to be a third wheel.
Me: Dad. Hell will freeze first. Come see the damn movie.

Friend on FB: I think there's a group going on Saturday.
Me: Kay. I'm going Friday.
Friend: We should go with you, then!
Me: Kay.


Jesus Christ, are we all secretly 12-year-old girls?

Dear People,

I don't care if you go see a movie without me. I do not have a problem with going to see a movie without you.
Movies are not romantic. I go for the body-count. There is no third wheel when you are watching a movie in a room full of complete strangers.
I would buy you all big-girl panties if I thought you'd wear them.

I love you all,
Z


This is just hilariously weird to me.

YES

Aug. 13th, 2009 03:31 pm
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Mwahaha!)
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Relentlessly Awesome)
Japan built a full-sized Gundam. Japan built a full-sized Gundam.
Japan built a full-sized fucking Gundam.



And the thing fucking moves. in a strange, hair-metal sort of way...



Let's get it!



EDIT: It is revealed as to why Tokyo would go so far out of its way to piss on the concept of an economic slump, and it is thus:



In other words:

zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Mwahaha!)
LOOK UP THE STAR TREK SOUNDTRACK.

NO, REALLY.

...

OKAY FINE I'LL DO IT FOR YOU.

NOW LOOK AT THE TITLES OF THE SONGS.

AND THEN LISTEN TO THE MUSIC THAT GOES WITH IT.


LET ME GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE.

- Nailin' The Kelvin
- Hella Bar Talk
- Nice to Meld You
- That New Car Smell
(!!!!!)

Now compare it to the Batman Begins soundtrack.

Notice the difference?

Someone was channeling Kirk when they named those songs, which only serves to make me love the movie even more.


That whole movie is like liquid lollercaust and GQMF.
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Relentlessly Awesome)



I may never sleep again. Thanks, [livejournal.com profile] iconomicon!
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (::snerk::)
01. Dear People,

Really? Really?

Lol irl,
Z

02. My laptop is no longer a laptop. It is now more like a really light desktop. Because my battery sucks and no, I cannot afford a new one, are you brain-damaged?

03.


04. Aretha's Hat icons will never stop being funny.

05. Pretty sure I'm going to dye my hair pink. Take that, future employers!

06. If one more person calls this house asking for my blood, I will whip out my cut-a-bitch and cut a bitch.

07. Why, Veronica? Why can't your show be geared to an age where I can appreciate it? I lust for your film noir-y goodness!

08. Pretty sure if I step outside, my insides will boil or something.

09. Haters to the left.
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Dunkin Donuts)
Pastor David Wilkerson predicts that catastrophic fires will rage in New York, which will spread to every major city in America. He says that God is striking down America as told by Psalms, and urged people to stockpile food for the coming apocalypse.

When will it happen, you might ask? All Pastor Wilkerson can say is, "Soon."

My question: How soon is soon? Because if its 2012 soon, then you're not telling the world anything it doesn't know. Of course the world will end, then. You're just putting your name on it.

Profiting from an ancient prophecy, tsk tsk. What would Jesus say?


Yes, if this does actually happen, I will have egg on my face. But what will be the worst is that there will be no living with the Evangelicals, afterwards.

XD

May. 30th, 2009 09:29 pm
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (::snerk::)
I just read someone reporting having seen Un Baiser, S'il Vous Plaît, in America.

... I saw it in France.

That makes me insanely happy, for some reason.

You. Guys.

May. 26th, 2009 09:19 pm
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (I'd Hit That.)
They made Pon Farr perfume to promote Star Trek XI.

I cannot make this shit up.

In case you do not know, here's a quick refresher about why this is so aslakdjf;adl.

Way long ago, Gene Rodenberry tapped into the lyrical genius we see today in people like Joss Whedon and Eric Kripke and created Star Trek. This series was where slash was born, tru-fucking-fax.
Then, out of the blue, Genie introduced to the world what would become one of the most well-known and best-liked fanfiction tropes of our time. The fuck-or-die scenario. In this case, the 'heat' that Vulcan men and women undergo every seven years, known as the Pon Farr. They have to either fight it out or fuck it out. There is no other option.
And this is canon, you guys.

So, when there is Pon Farr perfume, my brain goes a leetle esplody and more than a little "HOLY SHIT, SON!" Because such things almost do not compute. Except that these are Trekkies we are talking about.
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Retard Smile)
Are Your Children Playing With Lucifer's Testicles?: The Truth About Easter Eggs

The shining moments:

- Are Your Children Playing With Lucifer's Testicles? or "PWLT" as the book is now referred to in the Southern Baptist Sunday School Teachers catalogue takes the reader on an unforgettable journey that traces the pagan (Satanic) origins of secular (Satanic) Easter, with a specific focus on the origin of "Easter Eggs."

- ZONDERVAN PUBLISHERS CHRISTIAN BOOK OF THE MONTH!

- "To think this all started when I was 4-years old, painting Easter Eggs with my little sister (God rest her soul) in our kitchen," says Dr. Cameroon. "And my grandpa came in, saw what we were doing, vomited instinctively onto both of us, kicked little Macel in the head (and sent her straight home to Jesus) and beat the sweet and merciful love of the Lord Jesus Christ into my wretched soul right there on the kitchen floor. I dedicate this book to you, Grandpa Duncan, and to the Lord Jesus Christ, through whom all things crazy are possible!"

- Customers who bought titles by Pastor Deacon Fred also bought titles by these authors:

* Adolf Hitler
* Pastor Deacon Fred
* President George W. Bush
* Rev. Fred Phelps

____________________________


It's a joke, guys. Seriously. Landover Baptist is a parody website, and this is a parody book. It does not actually exist, I swear.
But let's hear what people have to say about it, anyway!:

- "Oy! This is why i'm budhist. Some of those Christian's really need professional help!"

- "Lucifer's testicles? Now that might be somthing to think about..anyway, my kids and I are still going for the annual Easter eggs hunt!"

- "You bible thumpers are some of the sickest, most perverted, and downright twisted individuals I've ever come across. You can take your cross and shove it up your gaping buttholes after your priest fucks your 8 year old son."


____________________________


I LOVE PEOPLE!
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Dunkin Donuts)
A friend of mine posted her Facebook status to read: "I just got cussed out for being a Christian and having opinions. Awesome."

Another person commented: "that's kind of how i feel tonight. i wasn't cussed out, but living in the world and have values and standards, it makes you stick out, there's no way around it. hang in there girly, it's all so much more than worth it! :)"


Having values and standards.

Now, I've mentioned before that I am too damn lazy to fight about religion, but damn.
It sucks when you get blasted for your religion, whatever it may be. But I will admit that people who push their religion onto you are really, really annoying. And I don't think those that discriminate are at all lacking in standards or values.
Actually, the fact that they have standards and values tends to be what makes them attack others for their beliefs.

Be about equality, people. Hate everyone. Saves time.

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