zfreelance: (Drunk)
Attention everyone with Netflix and/or an internet connection:

Last night, I had the great privelege to watch a masterpiece of a film called One-Eyed Monster.

Starring Amber Benson, Ron Jeremy, and some other people, it is the gripping story of how Ron Jeremy's penis gets possessed by an alien life form, detaches itself, and starts fucking people to death.

One could take ALL THE DRUGS and would still have a hard time explaining how this is not AMAZING.

Actual quote: "It's controlling him through his ass."

In conclusion: See this movie. There is no other option.
zfreelance: (Tonight: YOU)
Finally saw X-Men: First Class.

It was about this gay: |---------------------------------------------------------------------------| xinfintiy

GAWD THOSE TWO ARE SO MARRIED, IT HURTS.
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Highway)
I have an entire bookmarks folder dedicated to movies I should probably watch, if I ever get around to it.

I picked the movies randomly, via things like IMDB and Wikipedia, and there are some weird ones, like Highwaymen.

Also known as: The One Where A Poor Man's Ralph Fiennes Drives. A Lot. )


TL;DR Come for the cars, stay for Mr. Passion of the Christ swearing and driving stick.
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Highway)
I WENT TO DISNEYLAND.

Okay, not really. Disneyland doesn't fucking exist in Florida. That's California's deal. What we got is Magic Kingdom, Epcot, Animal Kingdom, and Universal Studios.

I am clearly a failure as an American, as my parents never took me to Disney when I was a kid, and I can only be grateful, because I don't think our relationship would have survived the experience. Disney has this general aura of over-tired toddlers and dissolving marriages tempered only slightly by the manic smiles of the 'cast members'.

This is not to say that Disney is not awesome. It is the most magical motherfucking place on Earth. But I am all kinds of glad that I didn't go until I was old enough to understand that an hour and a half wait for Space Mountain means an hour and a fucking half.

My wife, [livejournal.com profile] zece, works for the Disney Monster, and was therefore able to score parkhopper tickets that would have cost about $130 apiece, otherwise. We tottered on over to Epcot in the AMAZING WEATHER, THANK YOU FLORIDA, and promptly began to drink, because one's 21st birthday is a year-long affair. Obviously.

Then we went to Magic Kingdom and stood in line for forever and a half to ride Space Mountain. Worth it, but I was kind of ready to kill every child in the place, because we had clearly reached the magical meltdown hour. There was screaming.

And then we rode Space Mountain and I did some screaming, too.

And then there was trying to outrun several marching bands, the Pirates ride (bamf), the Swiss Family Robinson treehouse (LOVE), and then the TRON-O-RAIL.

For those who don't know, Disney painted one of their monorail trains to look like a lightcycle in honor of Tron: Legacy. And I was not going to rest until I rode the Tron-o-rail. We had been wandering the parks for hours, and all of us were at varying degrees of intoxication, but my friends were sweet enough to wait with me while I lurked on the monorail terminal until the god damn Tron-o-rail came by. I refused to sit down on it, because that would have detracted from the experience.

In short, LOL DISNEY.


On a slightly less awesome note, WHAT THE FUCK FLORIDA DRIVING. You people are MORONS and need to get out of my WAY.

I have six stickers on my car, in case you were wondering.



ALSO: I Am Number 4 is worth seeing for one reason and one reason only. And that reason is Timothy Olyphant.

LOL LIFEBONDS. SOME TROPES WILL NEVER DIE. XD
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Inception)
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Inception, motherfuckers. Will blow your mind.
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Epic Shit)
Tom Hardy Steps In for Sam Worthington in This Means War

\o/ TOM HARDY. CHRIS FINE. REESE WITHERSPOON. Mc-FUCKING-G.

QUIT 'CHER BITCHING, [livejournal.com profile] ontd. CHRISTMAS CAME EARLY.
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Mask)
Oh my fucking God, Inception. I went last night, and never have I come out of a movie theater with a sore throat (from screaming) and a sore brain from wrapping my head around the whole thing.

WHAT IS THIS, I DON'T EVEN.

SEEEEEEEE THISSSSSSSSSS FILMMMMMMMMM.

I keep hearing about how people hate DiCaprio. THIS IS ME CARING. AND NOW I'M DONE.

And even if you don't like sci-fi thriller type stuff, go to see Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Tom Hardy flirt the shit out of each other. Holy shit, I came out of there, visions of slash possibilities dancing in my head. THINGS I FEEL LIKE WRITING. SAVE ME FROM MYSELF.

Plus, Cillian Murphy is still really, really pretty.
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Mask)
You all fail for not telling me about ABC's eight-hour miniseries/movie, Stephan King's The Stand.

Yes, I've read the book. No, no one told me that the movie had Rob freaking Lowe playing Nick Andros. THAT KIND OF THING MERITS MY ATTENTION.

In case you can't tell, Syfy played the entire series today and I definitely sat on my ass and watched the whole thing. Post-apocalyptic good vs. evil road flick with bonus Rob freaking Lowe is relevant to my interests.

In related news, am currently watching lots of Criminal Minds and acquiring the 2004 movie, 'Salem's Lot, starring Rob freaking Lowe. For great justice.

That is all.

::...::

May. 21st, 2010 01:59 pm
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Default)
::points with glee:: The Forsaken AS REVIEWED BY THE TWINS OF EVIL.

WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, VAMPIRE ROAD MOVIES. THEY KNOW THEM. ::absolute glee::
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Hello Ladies)
My sister seems to be going on a self-funded trip to Ireland after graduation.

::dubious eyebrow is dubious::

I dun' wanna be all, "Back in my day gtfo my lawn," and shit, but I'm really, really wondering how this is going to go. I've seen Taken. And my sister isn't that great in an emergency. And don't get me started on the friend that's coming with.

But she does not want to do an exchange year, so I guess if this is the only way we're getting this girl out of the country, then so be it. She's definitely gonna learn something.


In completely unrelated news, got my mind up and fucked by No Country for Old Men and I'm leaving for MS in T-minus eight hours.

And in conclusion, I need more The Losers fic. Because damn.
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Coffee)
Watched My Blueberry Nights and now I really want pie.

That is all.
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Not Today!)
Watched Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief last night, and all I can say is that I am downright delighted that all of this faux-Hollywood Greek culture is getting pumped into the mainstream. I love Greek mythology, and always have. So I'm kind of gleeful. And Imma readin the books, as soon as there's a library within reasonable distance.

But the best part of the movie? Logan Lerman grew up pretty. XD


Dear Logan Lerman,

Hurry up and get legal so I can stop feeling like such a creeper.

Thnx,
Z
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Not Today!)
Repo Men = Mindfuck.

That is all.
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Apathy)
It is a god damn wonder of the modern age that I am not dead or in prison by now.

On a slightly related note, movies.

Book of Eli: A Review )

From Paris With Love: A Review )

Legion: A Review )


AND OMG U GUYS: THEY ARE MAKING A PRIEST MOVIE WITH PAUL BETTANY AND KARL URBAN AND CAM GIGANDET. ASDLKFJ:FJK PRIEST!!!!
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (MST3K)
Foxfire: A Review )

RocknRolla

Jan. 10th, 2010 10:29 pm
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (MST3K)
Warning: Crawfish do not eat people. )
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (WTF!)
Keanu Reeves to play Spike in the Cowboy Bebop movie.

Okay, Item 1: They are making a LIVE ACTION COWBOY BEBOP FILM.

Item 2: KEANU REEVES AS SPIKE.

THIS POWER CAN BE USED TO DO GREAT GOOD. OR GREAT EVIL.


My money's on Summer Glau playing Ed.

Daybreakers

Jan. 8th, 2010 02:10 am
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (MST3K)
Just got back from the midnight showing.

YES PLEASE! )

\o/

Nov. 16th, 2009 01:49 am
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (But I Like It)


CLASH OF THE TITANS. WITH SAM WORTHINGTON AS PERSEUS. FEATURING THE USED.

I CAME.
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Highway)
Today I have two awesome Halloween movies for you to watch, the first being Bravo's 100 Scariest Movie Moments.
I saw this on TV years ago, and missed most of it as I was in New Orleans at the time. Just this year I've managed to find it online, and it's better than I remember. It goes through movies everyone has seen, and some you've never even heard of and it makes you want to watch them all. (With some exceptions. Audition comes to mind.) For a person who talks through movies no matter what, it was great to see some of my favorite horror scenes dissected by those who love them as much as I do.

Bravo's 100 Scariest Movie Moments
- Part I (100-76)
- Part II (75-51)
- Part III (50-31)
- Part VI (30-11)
- Part V (10-1)


Next up is a movie I found through 100 Scariest Movie Moments. Basically after seeing them describe it, I couldn't not watch it. They said all the magic words: 80's, vampires, road movie, Bill Paxton.

The movie is Near Dark.

But before we get to that, let me explain my love affair with Bill Paxton. If he is in it, I will watch it.
Spy Kids, Titanic, I do not care. The man is a beast. He has been in a million movies, and not one of them has earned him the recognition that he deserves. He is a character actor. He is that guy who's name is mentioned twice, and who gets killed off in the goriest way imaginable, Near Dark being no exception. Aliens. Tombstone. Predator 2. Terminator. Bill Paxton is the heart and soul of grunge, so-bad-they're-good 80's movies. He's Kevin Bacon and Micheal Biehn, all rolled into one, glorious goofball package. Watch Twister again, sometime. Would it be the same without Bill Paxton swearing, driving fast, and yelling at tornadoes? I don't think so.

Okay. Now let's discuss Near Dark. It is a vampire western. It's a road movie. It's like From Dusk Till Dawn and John Carpenter's Vampires got together and had twins. One of which is The Forsaken. And the retro elder brother is Near Dark.

Okay, bad comparison, but it's true!

But best of all of that? The music is done by Tangerine Dream, the German geniuses who created the awesome music for Ridley Scott's Legend. They are the 80's electronica band.
So, seriously. If 100 Scariest Movie Moments doesn't convince you, then Tangerine Dream should. Watch it.

Watch Near Dark via zshare.

Happy Halloween!

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