zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Default)
[Error: unknown template qotd]I would wonder what the publishers were smoking, and if they were willing to share.
zfreelance: (BEAR HUG)
[Error: unknown template qotd]A grizzly bear and a strangely intelligent basset hound.




because I love basset hounds, and so does my mother, but intelligence doesn't exactly come standard with the breed
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Fuck Decaf)
[Error: unknown template qotd]

Fuck All You Guys: The Adventures of Some Chick Who Did Stuff

Boom. Instant bestseller.
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (SPENGBAB)
[Error: unknown template qotd]

I have four younger siblings, and God knows, that's sufficient.

My mother once scared the everliving out of me, when she was talking on the phone. She was talking about a past experience, but in the present tense.

"- ... so, my husband's out of town, I have two kids on a field trip, and I'm pregnant and-"

And it was at the "and I'm pregnant" comment that I walked past and froze, midstep. My mother told me that I went completely white as I stared at her in horror.

FOUR SIBLINGS ARE SUFFICIENT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.


IN CONCLUSION: SUFFICIENT
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Inception)
[Error: unknown template qotd]
Inception, motherfuckers. Will blow your mind.
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Default)
[Error: unknown template qotd]

I made the mistake of carrying a large kitchen knife up some stairs. The way I naturally hold knives is flipped, with the flat of the blade pressed against my wrist. But this particular day, I slipped while climbing the stairs and caught myself with my hands without thinking. It wasn't until I'd successfully saved myself from a face-plant that I realized that I had caught myself with my knife hand still closed. The way I was holding my hand (and the knife), the blade was pointed right at my stomach. Had I fallen a couple more inches, I would have stabbed myself pretty badly.

Near-death? Maybe not. But a bit too close for my comfort, anyway. And now I hold my knives straight up, serial killer style, like everybody else.


... GOD DAMN, THIS IS MORBID, SO HERE'S A HEDGEHOG EATING A CARROT:

zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Hello Ladies)
[Error: unknown template qotd]Spending it knee-walking drunk.
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Pizza)
[Error: unknown template qotd]Gallows humor, bleak and strange.
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Tea and Attitude)
[Error: unknown template qotd]
Ahahaha, oh. The Roomie. How I do remember her...

My freshman year of college, I had a roommate whom I called The Roomie. She was, to put it bluntly, a cheap whore. She was drugged to the gills every day I saw her, and had three different boyfriends with whom she hooked up with for drugs over the course of the semester.

I did not care about this. I am a live-and-let-live person. Except that she brought these boyfriends back to our very small room to spend the night.

They never did anything illicit in my presence, but I told her time and again that I did not want them in the room.

Her solution was to put an inflatable bed in the closet, where they could stay and 'not bother me'.

My solution was to stab that mattress with scissors.

The boyfriends stopped coming over, and we got along until the end of the year.

Yay diplomacy!
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (MST3K)
[Error: unknown template qotd]My favorite cult classic is the cult classic, Fight Club. I can watch that movie over and over again.

A cult classic has to be a few things. Most of them are pretty anti-establishment, in their own way. They go against the grain. The situations are bizarre and yet strangely possible. The people are dysfunctional and prone to black humor. You get the feeling that this might have really happened, in some dark, seedy part of the world. And if it didn't, it should have.

In short, a cult classic is freaking awesome. (With the possible exception of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, because while funny, that movie really was bad as they say.)
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Something Completely Different)
[Error: unknown template qotd]English, Engrish, Le French, Spanglish, and French.

If you squint.

Also, I'd love to learn Russian. It just sounds cool.
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Soup of the Day: Whiskey!)
[Error: unknown template qotd]I would be heavily intoxicated for my remaining days on Earth, in the hopes that I'll be dead before the hangover kicks in.
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Yeah- no.)
[Error: unknown template qotd]Sure. Ban them all. It only makes me want to read them more.

Fuck, if a teenager is picking up a book at all, the last thing you should do is slap it out of their hands because 'its not appropriate'. That and censorship is actually the quiet way of favoring one social or religious group's values over everyone else's. And that's not how we roll in America. Right?

Right?
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Dead)
[Error: unknown template qotd]Oh, god knows I'm a pain in the ass when I'm sick. I generally prefer to be left alone, so I can suffer in private, but my family has a way of bringing me things when I need them, like water or some food.

They're kind of awesome like that.
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Yeah- no.)
[Error: unknown template qotd]Not even a little. I am the most uncompetitive person you could probably imagine. Also, I cheat at those games. But then, so does everyone else, so it all just dissolves about an hour in, anyway.

Also, who the hell has ever finished a game of Monopoly, anyway?
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Default)
[Error: unknown template qotd]I participated in A Day Without a Gay, a boycott of all jobs in order to show narrow-minded co-workers that people they knew and worked with every day were gay and/or supported their rights.
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Science!)
[Error: unknown template qotd]... I'm not overly enthusiastic about needles, and bone marrow transplants are supposed to hurt like a bitch. They'd have to give me an extraordinarily good reason, or chloroform.
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (This is a date!)
[Error: unknown template qotd]
Several things.

01. Eat the fucking receipt.
02. Blue hair dye turns green after a few days. Your best bet is to bleach beforehand.
03. Never drink screwdrivers.
04. Don't take yourself too seriously. There's enough hilarious shit out there that no one should be able to keep a straight face.


And... then I'd probably make out with myself. JUST TO SAY I DID.
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Default)
[Error: unknown template qotd]An evil moth.

... What?
zfreelance: (<lj site="livejournal.com"  user="timepunching">) (Tea and Attitude)
[Error: unknown template qotd]Today was a day
for thirteen hours of X-Files
and junk food. That's it.

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