UNICORN MAGIC (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
zfreelance) wrote2010-01-28 07:10 pm
zfreelance) wrote2010-01-28 07:10 pm
::Gravity::
God, please pretty please let this week be over with.
Oh God. I am so frustrated I could put my fist through a wall. And I'm just feeling to helpless I could curl up and cry.
Instead, I'm probably going to brood and smoke a LOT.
So that alcohol incident came back to bite me, and it couldn't have picked a better time.
My supervisor handed me my probation letter while chastising me for not calling the police during the incident. All in the same breath.
The good news is that I probably will not get fired outright. That is my main concern.
But the un-fucking-fairness of this is killing me. No one is giving me a definite answer. And now that I'm under inquiry on top of being on probation is just fucking ridiculous. The two have NOTHING to do with one another. But imagine how it looks. A degenerate RA playing favorites for her friends, while blithely failing her classes.
The reality is that I am a god damn Dean's List student who likes and is dedicated to her job, but motherFUCK if it looks ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
Everyone I speak to is rather flippant about it, saying that probation isn't something to fear. I was okay, for a while. But now this is coming up again and she was talking about letters with my probation and I am scared to death, right now. Everything, every god damned thing is completely out of my control. And I can't break. I cannot show weakness, or it will look like I cannot handle the job.
I can handle this job. I can handle my classes. But I can't handle this.
This is fucked up and I am so damn frustrated. I just want to know what's going to happen next. I want god damn answers. Am I in trouble? Am I going to lose my job? What are my chances of being re-hired for the summer? I don't want bureaucracy, I want reality.
DAMN IT.
Oh God. I am so frustrated I could put my fist through a wall. And I'm just feeling to helpless I could curl up and cry.
Instead, I'm probably going to brood and smoke a LOT.
So that alcohol incident came back to bite me, and it couldn't have picked a better time.
My supervisor handed me my probation letter while chastising me for not calling the police during the incident. All in the same breath.
The good news is that I probably will not get fired outright. That is my main concern.
But the un-fucking-fairness of this is killing me. No one is giving me a definite answer. And now that I'm under inquiry on top of being on probation is just fucking ridiculous. The two have NOTHING to do with one another. But imagine how it looks. A degenerate RA playing favorites for her friends, while blithely failing her classes.
The reality is that I am a god damn Dean's List student who likes and is dedicated to her job, but motherFUCK if it looks ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
Everyone I speak to is rather flippant about it, saying that probation isn't something to fear. I was okay, for a while. But now this is coming up again and she was talking about letters with my probation and I am scared to death, right now. Everything, every god damned thing is completely out of my control. And I can't break. I cannot show weakness, or it will look like I cannot handle the job.
I can handle this job. I can handle my classes. But I can't handle this.
This is fucked up and I am so damn frustrated. I just want to know what's going to happen next. I want god damn answers. Am I in trouble? Am I going to lose my job? What are my chances of being re-hired for the summer? I don't want bureaucracy, I want reality.
DAMN IT.