UNICORN MAGIC (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
zfreelance) wrote2008-01-02 07:35 pm
zfreelance) wrote2008-01-02 07:35 pm
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SIT SOLOM UNUS!
Or, in English, 'There can be only one!'
Heh. I watched Highlander, the movie (you know, the one set in Scotland, yet cast Sean Connery as an Egyptian? Yeah, that movie.) on late night French television with Kimmi yesterday, and we came to several conclusions.
My first of several MST3K-like comments was, "If the 'Quickening' scenes aren't just one big metaphor for an orgasm, I do not know what is."
Okay, so they kinda put the ball on the tee for that one, but you can't help but at least comment... Or contemplate putting your head in the oven. Comme tu vue.
The second revelation was Kimmi's. "I think his forehead has mind-altering powers." Watch the film and count how many times theres just a closeup shot of Christopher Lambert and his primordial forehead. Go on, I'll wait.
Number 3: "Do you think he blinks?"
"No. He just has a yearly moment of deep, cinematic emotion and/or thought in which he closes them for all of three seconds. And then never again."
"Oh. Kinda like how he doesn't need to breathe anymore?"
"Yeah, I guess."
Number 4: "You do realize that every other line in this movie could be replaced with the line, 'You gonna get raped,' and it would make sense, right?"
"Geez, you're right. Even the eyes say it."
Number 5: "From the sheer amount of tripping out everyone seems to be doing, I think every drink consumed in this movie is spiked with roofies or something."
"Whats a roofie?"
"Date-rape drug."
"... That explains a lot."
Number 6: "Okay, watch this. Sean Connery drinks his roofied ale, this guy busts through the wall, the guy does the eye 'you-gonna-get-raped' thing, they destroy the castle with a few well-placed blows, this guy stabs Sean Connery through the stomache, takes off his head, and has a Quickening."
"... Dear God, the fanfiction base must be huge."
Number 7: "What's with the lightning? Like, every other sword stroke erupts in an inferno that temporarily blinds us."
"Had to do something to get our minds off the forehead."
Number 8: "How many scenes have been comprised of him stroking his sword?"
"Three? Four? Lost count."
Number 9: "God, she just sits there and yelps! She deserves to get raped!"
Number 10: "How may swords does this man have?"
"She seems rather bent on finding out..."
Number 11: "Ah, 80's movies. The gratuitous sex scene."
"Evidently getting stabbed in the stomache is a turn-on."
"... evidently stabbing someone in the stomache is a turn-on."
Number 13: (referring to the final Quickening) "... You know, any more of this metaphor and I may go blind."
Go on. Try watching that movie with a clean mind. We dare you.
The soundtrack was QUEEN for Christ's sake!
Don't get me wrong, I love that stupid film. But notice the word, 'stupid'.
And honestly. 'You gonna get raped.' Every. Other. Sentance.
Heh. I watched Highlander, the movie (you know, the one set in Scotland, yet cast Sean Connery as an Egyptian? Yeah, that movie.) on late night French television with Kimmi yesterday, and we came to several conclusions.
My first of several MST3K-like comments was, "If the 'Quickening' scenes aren't just one big metaphor for an orgasm, I do not know what is."
Okay, so they kinda put the ball on the tee for that one, but you can't help but at least comment... Or contemplate putting your head in the oven. Comme tu vue.
The second revelation was Kimmi's. "I think his forehead has mind-altering powers." Watch the film and count how many times theres just a closeup shot of Christopher Lambert and his primordial forehead. Go on, I'll wait.
Number 3: "Do you think he blinks?"
"No. He just has a yearly moment of deep, cinematic emotion and/or thought in which he closes them for all of three seconds. And then never again."
"Oh. Kinda like how he doesn't need to breathe anymore?"
"Yeah, I guess."
Number 4: "You do realize that every other line in this movie could be replaced with the line, 'You gonna get raped,' and it would make sense, right?"
"Geez, you're right. Even the eyes say it."
Number 5: "From the sheer amount of tripping out everyone seems to be doing, I think every drink consumed in this movie is spiked with roofies or something."
"Whats a roofie?"
"Date-rape drug."
"... That explains a lot."
Number 6: "Okay, watch this. Sean Connery drinks his roofied ale, this guy busts through the wall, the guy does the eye 'you-gonna-get-raped' thing, they destroy the castle with a few well-placed blows, this guy stabs Sean Connery through the stomache, takes off his head, and has a Quickening."
"... Dear God, the fanfiction base must be huge."
Number 7: "What's with the lightning? Like, every other sword stroke erupts in an inferno that temporarily blinds us."
"Had to do something to get our minds off the forehead."
Number 8: "How many scenes have been comprised of him stroking his sword?"
"Three? Four? Lost count."
Number 9: "God, she just sits there and yelps! She deserves to get raped!"
Number 10: "How may swords does this man have?"
"She seems rather bent on finding out..."
Number 11: "Ah, 80's movies. The gratuitous sex scene."
"Evidently getting stabbed in the stomache is a turn-on."
"... evidently stabbing someone in the stomache is a turn-on."
Number 13: (referring to the final Quickening) "... You know, any more of this metaphor and I may go blind."
Go on. Try watching that movie with a clean mind. We dare you.
The soundtrack was QUEEN for Christ's sake!
Don't get me wrong, I love that stupid film. But notice the word, 'stupid'.
And honestly. 'You gonna get raped.' Every. Other. Sentance.
Stranger
(Anonymous) 2008-01-03 05:32 am (UTC)(link)Anyway, I be reading American Gods. Only on page 52 so far but I be reading it. Great book so far. I feel sorry for Shadow.
Re: Stranger
Don't worry, Shadow is hardcore enough to take anything thrown at him.
Actually, the kinda-sequal is better. Anansi Boys. Check it out.
Hell, check out everything Neil Gaiman has written, the man is a machine!
BOOKS FOR GREAT JUSTICE