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I'm having an un-zen moment
Jun. 5th, 2008 09:50 amMy complaints, let me show you them.
1) I am really having trouble with sleep lately. Its just hard to turn off a night. I don't even think abot stuff, I just can't get to sleep. Sudoku helps, but I took a nap yesterday and therefore got about 4 hours of sleep last night. This is all really just SSDD, but its not fun how nothing is changing.
2) This fucking weather. It has been raining for two solid weeks now, on and off, drizzling without a hint of sunlight. So I am crippled from the femurs down. I can barely walk right. My bones, joints, and head ache in tandem.
3) I can't eat. Even when I want to. Just the thought of food makes me sick, and I haven't eaten today. I'm hungry, but that doesn't mean anything.
The main problem with this is that the school food in crap. Its greasy, its heavy, and I'd rather gnaw on tree bark. The only things I can really eat with any enthusiasm are fruit, veggies, and the occasional shot of sugar. That really can't be healthy, but I dunno what the hell to do about it.
4) I have an empty stomache right now, and all I can think of is maybe if I make myself throw up, I can go home. I am so tired of school. So tired. I have given up on even paying the slightest bit of attention to even the classes I like. I sit in my seat, and I play Sudoku. That is my day.
Its not awesome. I AM BORED OUT OF MY SKULL.
5) Touching.
The French touch. A lot. In the morning, you kiss one another. All day, you hug and hang off each other, and gather around to stand in little groups for no reason whatsoever. You don't even go to the bathroom by yourself. Ever.
And I cannot take much more.
I dread every morning, because I have to touch cheeks with my friends. Its no reflection upon them. I just can't stand the thought of it, and can barely make myself do it. Half the time I pretend to be sick, just to deter some of them. When I do greet them in the proper French fashion, my cheeks itch until I wipe them off. I twitch hard when someone pats my arm. I can barely make myself sit next to anyone in class, because our elbows touch. Holding hands or hugging makes me want to scream.
I'm wearing yesterday's colthes because I was too damn cold and apathetic last night to change into pajamas when I'd just have to change back in a couple of hours. I haven't picked up a book all week. I listen to my mp3 player nonstop, whenever I can. My stomache hurts, I need a shower, I need to eat something, and I just want to curl up somewhere and cry.
I've had enough of France. I'm sick of the language, even though I'm fluent. I'm tired of the food. I hate the pack mentality. I detest the petty tyrants that run this school. I am so goddamn sick of this weather.
I want to be warm. I want to feel better. I want to be surrounded by my own language. I want a hug from my mother.
I want to quit whining.
14 days.
1) I am really having trouble with sleep lately. Its just hard to turn off a night. I don't even think abot stuff, I just can't get to sleep. Sudoku helps, but I took a nap yesterday and therefore got about 4 hours of sleep last night. This is all really just SSDD, but its not fun how nothing is changing.
2) This fucking weather. It has been raining for two solid weeks now, on and off, drizzling without a hint of sunlight. So I am crippled from the femurs down. I can barely walk right. My bones, joints, and head ache in tandem.
3) I can't eat. Even when I want to. Just the thought of food makes me sick, and I haven't eaten today. I'm hungry, but that doesn't mean anything.
The main problem with this is that the school food in crap. Its greasy, its heavy, and I'd rather gnaw on tree bark. The only things I can really eat with any enthusiasm are fruit, veggies, and the occasional shot of sugar. That really can't be healthy, but I dunno what the hell to do about it.
4) I have an empty stomache right now, and all I can think of is maybe if I make myself throw up, I can go home. I am so tired of school. So tired. I have given up on even paying the slightest bit of attention to even the classes I like. I sit in my seat, and I play Sudoku. That is my day.
Its not awesome. I AM BORED OUT OF MY SKULL.
5) Touching.
The French touch. A lot. In the morning, you kiss one another. All day, you hug and hang off each other, and gather around to stand in little groups for no reason whatsoever. You don't even go to the bathroom by yourself. Ever.
And I cannot take much more.
I dread every morning, because I have to touch cheeks with my friends. Its no reflection upon them. I just can't stand the thought of it, and can barely make myself do it. Half the time I pretend to be sick, just to deter some of them. When I do greet them in the proper French fashion, my cheeks itch until I wipe them off. I twitch hard when someone pats my arm. I can barely make myself sit next to anyone in class, because our elbows touch. Holding hands or hugging makes me want to scream.
I'm wearing yesterday's colthes because I was too damn cold and apathetic last night to change into pajamas when I'd just have to change back in a couple of hours. I haven't picked up a book all week. I listen to my mp3 player nonstop, whenever I can. My stomache hurts, I need a shower, I need to eat something, and I just want to curl up somewhere and cry.
I've had enough of France. I'm sick of the language, even though I'm fluent. I'm tired of the food. I hate the pack mentality. I detest the petty tyrants that run this school. I am so goddamn sick of this weather.
I want to be warm. I want to feel better. I want to be surrounded by my own language. I want a hug from my mother.
I want to quit whining.
14 days.
