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Reading this is a very bad idea.
or As We Were Then, Are We Now?
::As with all blanket scenarios (also reffered to as a Canadian shack scenario), our heros find themselves inexplicably qnd quite suddenly dropped into a very cold, blizzard-like landscape sans any signs of civilization. Not even toothpicks. And because the cast is no longer common knowlege as it once was, this author feels the need to list the nales of our heros here. First off is Dami. A formerly adament bishie-collector, she may have moved on from the days of Gundam Wing and Escaflowne, but no one changes that much. Second up is Raptress, known in RL as Julia. In the RPG world she takes the form of an anthromorphic dragon, but this author feels the need to point out that Raptress existed long before the title of, 'furry' or 'anthro'. A voice of sardonic reason, and sometimes violence, she was one of the original creators of fiascos such as these. Thirdly is Mandi, known as Amanda. While a veteran of proper RPGs, these little gems are an entirely different animal. How will she handle the transition? Fourth is Jared. Having gone by countless handles over the years, this author is at a loss as to what to call him beyond his proper name. Another original, he has created many an original concept and plot-device that has been promptly raped by the envious. Our resident Gundam fanatic, the last model this author can remember is Shining Gundam. Fifth is Molly. Another classy RPGer, something tells this author that she'll still manage to fit in. And lastly is Marie. Perhaps the most rational of all of us, this writer is sure to make things interesting. While these are the main characters, do not ask ahead of time who or what will show up for a line of dialouge or two. I honestly would not be able to tell you.::
::So, as was mentioned before, our group is dropped into a blanket scenario. Literally dropped. Luckily there was some nice soft snow to break their fall...::
::All but Raptress make people-shaped craters in the snow. She, havig wings, manages a more graceful entrance.::
All but Raptress: VARIOUS SWEAR WORDS EXPRESSING PAIN!
Raptress: Wow, that was detailed. ::examines her wings:: Huh. Been a while since I've seen these...
Jared: And it has been just as long since I've been sucked through a rip in the time:space continuum originating from my microwave...
Dami: I wish I could say that its been that long since I've been suddenly dropped from high up, but...
Mandi: Wow, thats cold. What the fuck?
Molly: Dear Jesus, where the hell are we? ::notices the snow:: Oh wow, COLD.
Marie: Yes, Molly. Snow is cold.
Jared: Snow? Oh hey, look at that...
Raptress: I'm getting a very strange feeling of deja-vu...
Molly: Hey, you're a dragon. How come she gets to be a dragon?
Raptress: Undeniable superiority.
Dami: Now that feels familiar.
Raptress: What, my superiority?
Dami: No, the unmistakable sensation of being written.
Jared: What, like, 'I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way?'
Dami: Yes, but more... verbal.
Jared: Huh. Now that you mention it, Duo trying to make stove-top only popcorn in the microwave does have the ring of clique to it...
Marie: Who?
Jared: Who, what?
Marie: Who's Duo?
Jared: Duo? As in Deathscythe Duo? A character from Gundam Wing, why?
Marie: You said he was making stove-top only popcorn in your microwave.
Jared: Yes.
Marie: And he's from Gundam Wing.
Jared: Yes...
Marie: And he's making popcorn in your microwave.
Jared: Yes. Is there a point to all of this?
Marie: Yes. You're a nut, and your speaking rights have been revoked.
Jared: ::suddenly assumes the approximate size and shape of a very silent walnut::
Dami: Dude, sweet! Now he's allegric to himself!
Molly: First dragons, now magic powers, all unfair!
Dami: ::eyes narrowed:: Teapot.
Molly: ::is suddenly fairy-sized and enclosed in a teapot::
Dami: I knew it!
Mandi: What, that you're addicted to tea? This is not new. ::grabs her side:: OW! Sudden pain in my copyright!
Dami: No! We're in an RPG!
Raptress: No shit? That explains a lot.
Marie: Uh, no it doesn't. Explain, please.
Dami: Okay, think written RPG, just with one author, infinate power, rampant copyright violation-
Mandi: ::twitches::
Dami: - and no real plot. Any questions?
Marie: Yes. Why are we in one?
Raptress: An author decided that it might be fun to dig up this particular portion of her sordid past, to see if it was still fun.
Dami: ::sneezes::
Marie: ... Well, that explains the nuts.
Mandi: Speaking of which, unjinx him, Rie. Thats just cruel. You too, Dami.
Marie: How?
Dami: Like this. ::points dramatically at the teapot:: Un-teapot.
Molly: ::in a flash is normal sized and free, and points a finger at Dami:: EXPERLLIARMUS!
Dami: ::is blasted back about 20 feet to vanish into the snow::
Molly: YUSS! I WIN! ::victory dance::
Marie: ::eyes the walnut:: On second thought, no.
Mandi: I remember something like this. Useless waste of paper filled with vulgarity and fantastical violence?
Raptress: In one.
Molly: ::pauses in dancing:: Does that mean I have head-explody?
All: No.
Molly: Dammit! Then why are we here?
Raptress: In the metaphorical sense?
Molly: No, as in why are we in the middle of nowhere, in a snowstorm, next to a river of beer?
Mandi: River or...
::Indeed, a river of beer has appeared, cutting a path through the snow. Kaine (Jeanette) and Demonis (Chad) ride past on a raft, drunk and singing.::
Kaine and Demonis: Bingle jells, bingle jells! Bingle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride on a one-horse open sleeeeeeeeeeei-...
::They vanish around a corner, taking the river of beer with them, until there is no sign of their passage.::
All: ...
Marie: Right, did that ever make sense?
Raptress: Don't ask me, it was a long time ago.
::a mound of snow tunnels towards them, and a moment later, Dami emerges from the snow::
Dami: I am out of practice for this kind of shit.
Raptress: I get the feeling that the author is as well.
::an unexplained meteor crashes to the ground a good thirty feet from where Raptress is standing.
Raptress: See what I mean?
Dami: Well, lucky for us, between my point of impact and here, I figured out where we are.
Mandi: Cyberspace?
Molly: No, there'd be more porn.
WalnutJared: ::looks interested::
Marie: Don't make me hurt you.
WalnutJared: ::goes back to being small, nutty, and silent.::
Raptress: We've already established that this is an RPG.
Dami: No, I mean the questionable plot.
Mandi: Oh, that. We're in a blanket scenario.
Dami: And you'd know that... how?
Mandi: Read the script. ::pulls out said papers from her pocket::
All: ::moves to read::
Marie: ... Mandi, this is Anita Blake slash fanfiction.
Mandi: Really? ::snatches away to read::
Dami: Dude, wasn't done!
Molly: Call it next!
WalnutJared: ::dones't actually say anything, but gives the impression of asking what a blanket scenario was::
Raptress: Tow normally unslashable characters are dropped into a blizzard, find an abandoned shack, generally with only one blanket. They share it in the name of survival, and sex occurs.
WalnutJared: ::seems to ponder if this could be used for a male/female pairing as well::
Raptress: No, thats a bodice-ripper. Entirely different animal.
WalnutJared: ::gives the impression of confusion::
Raptress: A bodice-ripper tends to be poorly written, horribly and sterotypically characterized, boring, unrealistic, and god-awful predictable.
WalnutJared: ::seems to wonder what a blanket scenario is in comparison to that::
Molly: It's rescued by the virtue of being really friggin hot.
Marie: Even I must agree, and hey! No giving an impression of speech!
WalnutJared: ::subsides after a breif puzzle as to why he is the only male in this disturbing venture::
Dami: You know, WalnutJared is right. ::rubs hands together:: Lets see if I still got this... BISHIE BALLS, LETS GO!
::a literal mountain of red and white balls fall from the sky, burying Dami beneath them::
Mandi: Oh, score! ::begins to shovel them into her pockets, leaving Molly with the Blake slash::
Dami: ::from beneathe Bishie Mountain:: Klepto-whore! ::emerges in a rush, somehow releasing each and every bishie ball, unleashing a veritble hoarde of panicked male anime characters.::
Marie: Thats more about those two's hobbies than I ever wanted to know.
Molly: Oh, like you won't want to read this when I'm done.
Marie: ... shh.
Dami: Fuck! ::pulls out a bug-cather's net:: Gotta catch 'em all... again!
Raptress: Okay, I was going to toast you for resembling a Bug-Catcher, of whom I hate, but with that line, you sealed your fate. ::psyblasts Dami where she stands::
Kyle Harris: Hey, look! A cameo!
Mandi: ::pulls out a pump action shotgun and blasts him. A lot:: Bitch.
All: ::edge away::
Mandi: ::as if nothing ever happened, holding up a bishie ball:: So how do I work these things?
Raptress: You'd really have to ask Kim Mayer, but from what I remember there was a whole lot of subduing involved with bamboo cages, nets, and tranq darts.
Mandi: Where would I get those?
Raptress: www.bakaproductions.com-
::Somewhere, Kyle J falls to the ground, clutching his copyright in pain::
Raptress: - or you could just pull them out of your back pocket, openning the door for all sorts of 'or-are-you-just-happy-to-see-me' jokes.
Cody: Bow-chicca-wow-wow.
Molly: Great Barrier Fuck, where did he come from?!
Marie: ::eyes the hole where Cody once stood:: Don't think it matters, since he's gone now.
Molly: Did Manid notice?
Marie: ::watches Mandi gleefully snatching up bishies, cackling madly all the while:: ... Perhaps we shouldn't mention it.
Molly: Agreed.
Marie: Oh, and WalnutJared? You can talk now.
WalnutJared: THANK YOU. Now, can I not be a walnut?
Marie: No.
WalnutJared: Fine. RISE GUNDAM! ::Shining Gundam rises out of the snow::
Raptress: ::sigh:: Giant robots. Why is it always giant robots?
Mandi: ::pauses in bishie-hunting:: It could be killer chibis, and think of how bad that would be.
Raptress: I don't have to. It's called SD Gundam.
Dami: ::pops out of the snow:: Wow, the respawn lag sucks. What'd I miss?
::Shining Gundam is busy trying to step on Rie, who is having no trouble avoiding it since you really can't pilot a Gundam when you're a walnut. Mandi's bishie collection has grown exponentially, and is already considering the perks of being trapped in a blanket scenario. Molly has claimed the next pairing choice after Mandi, and Raptress and Vegeta are standing on top of the snow, watching the chaos.::
Raptress: All things considered, not much.
Dami: So many copyright lawsuits. So little time.
Vegeta: ::checks watch:: No, its been thirty minutes. You guys are slacking.
Dami: When did you get here?
Vegeta: Four lines of dialouge ago.
Dami: Uh huh. So, I found the Canadian shack, and the blanket, which I think is follwing me. Anything I should know about here?
Raptress: The blanket is... following you?
Dami: Yeah, keep an eye out, will you? I think that thing wants bloo-
::The blanket lunges from the snow, wrapping around Dami's face like a facehugger, and they both vainsh under the snow::
Raptress and Vegeta: ::rise to hover a few more inches above the snow::
Molly: Did someone mention finding the blanket?
Mandi: What? YES! ::runs over with an armload of bishie balls::
Raptress: More like the blanket found someone...
Marie: Give it up, WalnutJared! You have no appendages!
WalnutJared: No! I can still roll on you! ::Shining Gundam proceeds to demonstarte, but quickly learns that once a nut has fallen, it cannot get up.:: NOOOOOOO!
Marie: Nice. I'm tired and cold. I'm going home. ::phases out::
Molly: I am not leaving until we find and take full advantage of that blanket.
Mandi: Fuckin' A.
Dami: ::bursts from the snow with the blanket in hot pursuit:: Don't let it get me, don't let it get me, don't let it get meeeeeeee!
Mandi: ::calmly reaches out and grabs the blanket, which instantly resumes being just a blanket:: YUSS! ::she and Molly grab as many bishi balls as they can carry (which is a fair number) and vanish into the snow::
Raptress: Were these things always so idiotic?
Vegeta: If memory serves... Yes.
Dami: ::looks at watch:: Dude! Highlander's coming on! Its eyecandy time! ::dives back under the snow::
Raptress and Vegeta: Feeling the need to be elsewhere... ::vanish::
::a batillion of cop cars come screaming up to the spot, and the police dive out, guns drawn.::
Man on a Bullhorn: You! In the Shining Gundam! You're under arrest fro blatent copyright violation! Come out with your hands up!
WalnutJared: FUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU! ::self-desructs::
::All is quiet::
Author: ::looks up from her keyboard:: Now I rememebr why I stopped writing these things...
God: Too late.
Author: Fuck.
::End::
...
IT HAD TO BE DONE.
or As We Were Then, Are We Now?
::As with all blanket scenarios (also reffered to as a Canadian shack scenario), our heros find themselves inexplicably qnd quite suddenly dropped into a very cold, blizzard-like landscape sans any signs of civilization. Not even toothpicks. And because the cast is no longer common knowlege as it once was, this author feels the need to list the nales of our heros here. First off is Dami. A formerly adament bishie-collector, she may have moved on from the days of Gundam Wing and Escaflowne, but no one changes that much. Second up is Raptress, known in RL as Julia. In the RPG world she takes the form of an anthromorphic dragon, but this author feels the need to point out that Raptress existed long before the title of, 'furry' or 'anthro'. A voice of sardonic reason, and sometimes violence, she was one of the original creators of fiascos such as these. Thirdly is Mandi, known as Amanda. While a veteran of proper RPGs, these little gems are an entirely different animal. How will she handle the transition? Fourth is Jared. Having gone by countless handles over the years, this author is at a loss as to what to call him beyond his proper name. Another original, he has created many an original concept and plot-device that has been promptly raped by the envious. Our resident Gundam fanatic, the last model this author can remember is Shining Gundam. Fifth is Molly. Another classy RPGer, something tells this author that she'll still manage to fit in. And lastly is Marie. Perhaps the most rational of all of us, this writer is sure to make things interesting. While these are the main characters, do not ask ahead of time who or what will show up for a line of dialouge or two. I honestly would not be able to tell you.::
::So, as was mentioned before, our group is dropped into a blanket scenario. Literally dropped. Luckily there was some nice soft snow to break their fall...::
::All but Raptress make people-shaped craters in the snow. She, havig wings, manages a more graceful entrance.::
All but Raptress: VARIOUS SWEAR WORDS EXPRESSING PAIN!
Raptress: Wow, that was detailed. ::examines her wings:: Huh. Been a while since I've seen these...
Jared: And it has been just as long since I've been sucked through a rip in the time:space continuum originating from my microwave...
Dami: I wish I could say that its been that long since I've been suddenly dropped from high up, but...
Mandi: Wow, thats cold. What the fuck?
Molly: Dear Jesus, where the hell are we? ::notices the snow:: Oh wow, COLD.
Marie: Yes, Molly. Snow is cold.
Jared: Snow? Oh hey, look at that...
Raptress: I'm getting a very strange feeling of deja-vu...
Molly: Hey, you're a dragon. How come she gets to be a dragon?
Raptress: Undeniable superiority.
Dami: Now that feels familiar.
Raptress: What, my superiority?
Dami: No, the unmistakable sensation of being written.
Jared: What, like, 'I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way?'
Dami: Yes, but more... verbal.
Jared: Huh. Now that you mention it, Duo trying to make stove-top only popcorn in the microwave does have the ring of clique to it...
Marie: Who?
Jared: Who, what?
Marie: Who's Duo?
Jared: Duo? As in Deathscythe Duo? A character from Gundam Wing, why?
Marie: You said he was making stove-top only popcorn in your microwave.
Jared: Yes.
Marie: And he's from Gundam Wing.
Jared: Yes...
Marie: And he's making popcorn in your microwave.
Jared: Yes. Is there a point to all of this?
Marie: Yes. You're a nut, and your speaking rights have been revoked.
Jared: ::suddenly assumes the approximate size and shape of a very silent walnut::
Dami: Dude, sweet! Now he's allegric to himself!
Molly: First dragons, now magic powers, all unfair!
Dami: ::eyes narrowed:: Teapot.
Molly: ::is suddenly fairy-sized and enclosed in a teapot::
Dami: I knew it!
Mandi: What, that you're addicted to tea? This is not new. ::grabs her side:: OW! Sudden pain in my copyright!
Dami: No! We're in an RPG!
Raptress: No shit? That explains a lot.
Marie: Uh, no it doesn't. Explain, please.
Dami: Okay, think written RPG, just with one author, infinate power, rampant copyright violation-
Mandi: ::twitches::
Dami: - and no real plot. Any questions?
Marie: Yes. Why are we in one?
Raptress: An author decided that it might be fun to dig up this particular portion of her sordid past, to see if it was still fun.
Dami: ::sneezes::
Marie: ... Well, that explains the nuts.
Mandi: Speaking of which, unjinx him, Rie. Thats just cruel. You too, Dami.
Marie: How?
Dami: Like this. ::points dramatically at the teapot:: Un-teapot.
Molly: ::in a flash is normal sized and free, and points a finger at Dami:: EXPERLLIARMUS!
Dami: ::is blasted back about 20 feet to vanish into the snow::
Molly: YUSS! I WIN! ::victory dance::
Marie: ::eyes the walnut:: On second thought, no.
Mandi: I remember something like this. Useless waste of paper filled with vulgarity and fantastical violence?
Raptress: In one.
Molly: ::pauses in dancing:: Does that mean I have head-explody?
All: No.
Molly: Dammit! Then why are we here?
Raptress: In the metaphorical sense?
Molly: No, as in why are we in the middle of nowhere, in a snowstorm, next to a river of beer?
Mandi: River or...
::Indeed, a river of beer has appeared, cutting a path through the snow. Kaine (Jeanette) and Demonis (Chad) ride past on a raft, drunk and singing.::
Kaine and Demonis: Bingle jells, bingle jells! Bingle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride on a one-horse open sleeeeeeeeeeei-...
::They vanish around a corner, taking the river of beer with them, until there is no sign of their passage.::
All: ...
Marie: Right, did that ever make sense?
Raptress: Don't ask me, it was a long time ago.
::a mound of snow tunnels towards them, and a moment later, Dami emerges from the snow::
Dami: I am out of practice for this kind of shit.
Raptress: I get the feeling that the author is as well.
::an unexplained meteor crashes to the ground a good thirty feet from where Raptress is standing.
Raptress: See what I mean?
Dami: Well, lucky for us, between my point of impact and here, I figured out where we are.
Mandi: Cyberspace?
Molly: No, there'd be more porn.
WalnutJared: ::looks interested::
Marie: Don't make me hurt you.
WalnutJared: ::goes back to being small, nutty, and silent.::
Raptress: We've already established that this is an RPG.
Dami: No, I mean the questionable plot.
Mandi: Oh, that. We're in a blanket scenario.
Dami: And you'd know that... how?
Mandi: Read the script. ::pulls out said papers from her pocket::
All: ::moves to read::
Marie: ... Mandi, this is Anita Blake slash fanfiction.
Mandi: Really? ::snatches away to read::
Dami: Dude, wasn't done!
Molly: Call it next!
WalnutJared: ::dones't actually say anything, but gives the impression of asking what a blanket scenario was::
Raptress: Tow normally unslashable characters are dropped into a blizzard, find an abandoned shack, generally with only one blanket. They share it in the name of survival, and sex occurs.
WalnutJared: ::seems to ponder if this could be used for a male/female pairing as well::
Raptress: No, thats a bodice-ripper. Entirely different animal.
WalnutJared: ::gives the impression of confusion::
Raptress: A bodice-ripper tends to be poorly written, horribly and sterotypically characterized, boring, unrealistic, and god-awful predictable.
WalnutJared: ::seems to wonder what a blanket scenario is in comparison to that::
Molly: It's rescued by the virtue of being really friggin hot.
Marie: Even I must agree, and hey! No giving an impression of speech!
WalnutJared: ::subsides after a breif puzzle as to why he is the only male in this disturbing venture::
Dami: You know, WalnutJared is right. ::rubs hands together:: Lets see if I still got this... BISHIE BALLS, LETS GO!
::a literal mountain of red and white balls fall from the sky, burying Dami beneath them::
Mandi: Oh, score! ::begins to shovel them into her pockets, leaving Molly with the Blake slash::
Dami: ::from beneathe Bishie Mountain:: Klepto-whore! ::emerges in a rush, somehow releasing each and every bishie ball, unleashing a veritble hoarde of panicked male anime characters.::
Marie: Thats more about those two's hobbies than I ever wanted to know.
Molly: Oh, like you won't want to read this when I'm done.
Marie: ... shh.
Dami: Fuck! ::pulls out a bug-cather's net:: Gotta catch 'em all... again!
Raptress: Okay, I was going to toast you for resembling a Bug-Catcher, of whom I hate, but with that line, you sealed your fate. ::psyblasts Dami where she stands::
Kyle Harris: Hey, look! A cameo!
Mandi: ::pulls out a pump action shotgun and blasts him. A lot:: Bitch.
All: ::edge away::
Mandi: ::as if nothing ever happened, holding up a bishie ball:: So how do I work these things?
Raptress: You'd really have to ask Kim Mayer, but from what I remember there was a whole lot of subduing involved with bamboo cages, nets, and tranq darts.
Mandi: Where would I get those?
Raptress: www.bakaproductions.com-
::Somewhere, Kyle J falls to the ground, clutching his copyright in pain::
Raptress: - or you could just pull them out of your back pocket, openning the door for all sorts of 'or-are-you-just-happy-to-see-me' jokes.
Cody: Bow-chicca-wow-wow.
Molly: Great Barrier Fuck, where did he come from?!
Marie: ::eyes the hole where Cody once stood:: Don't think it matters, since he's gone now.
Molly: Did Manid notice?
Marie: ::watches Mandi gleefully snatching up bishies, cackling madly all the while:: ... Perhaps we shouldn't mention it.
Molly: Agreed.
Marie: Oh, and WalnutJared? You can talk now.
WalnutJared: THANK YOU. Now, can I not be a walnut?
Marie: No.
WalnutJared: Fine. RISE GUNDAM! ::Shining Gundam rises out of the snow::
Raptress: ::sigh:: Giant robots. Why is it always giant robots?
Mandi: ::pauses in bishie-hunting:: It could be killer chibis, and think of how bad that would be.
Raptress: I don't have to. It's called SD Gundam.
Dami: ::pops out of the snow:: Wow, the respawn lag sucks. What'd I miss?
::Shining Gundam is busy trying to step on Rie, who is having no trouble avoiding it since you really can't pilot a Gundam when you're a walnut. Mandi's bishie collection has grown exponentially, and is already considering the perks of being trapped in a blanket scenario. Molly has claimed the next pairing choice after Mandi, and Raptress and Vegeta are standing on top of the snow, watching the chaos.::
Raptress: All things considered, not much.
Dami: So many copyright lawsuits. So little time.
Vegeta: ::checks watch:: No, its been thirty minutes. You guys are slacking.
Dami: When did you get here?
Vegeta: Four lines of dialouge ago.
Dami: Uh huh. So, I found the Canadian shack, and the blanket, which I think is follwing me. Anything I should know about here?
Raptress: The blanket is... following you?
Dami: Yeah, keep an eye out, will you? I think that thing wants bloo-
::The blanket lunges from the snow, wrapping around Dami's face like a facehugger, and they both vainsh under the snow::
Raptress and Vegeta: ::rise to hover a few more inches above the snow::
Molly: Did someone mention finding the blanket?
Mandi: What? YES! ::runs over with an armload of bishie balls::
Raptress: More like the blanket found someone...
Marie: Give it up, WalnutJared! You have no appendages!
WalnutJared: No! I can still roll on you! ::Shining Gundam proceeds to demonstarte, but quickly learns that once a nut has fallen, it cannot get up.:: NOOOOOOO!
Marie: Nice. I'm tired and cold. I'm going home. ::phases out::
Molly: I am not leaving until we find and take full advantage of that blanket.
Mandi: Fuckin' A.
Dami: ::bursts from the snow with the blanket in hot pursuit:: Don't let it get me, don't let it get me, don't let it get meeeeeeee!
Mandi: ::calmly reaches out and grabs the blanket, which instantly resumes being just a blanket:: YUSS! ::she and Molly grab as many bishi balls as they can carry (which is a fair number) and vanish into the snow::
Raptress: Were these things always so idiotic?
Vegeta: If memory serves... Yes.
Dami: ::looks at watch:: Dude! Highlander's coming on! Its eyecandy time! ::dives back under the snow::
Raptress and Vegeta: Feeling the need to be elsewhere... ::vanish::
::a batillion of cop cars come screaming up to the spot, and the police dive out, guns drawn.::
Man on a Bullhorn: You! In the Shining Gundam! You're under arrest fro blatent copyright violation! Come out with your hands up!
WalnutJared: FUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU! ::self-desructs::
::All is quiet::
Author: ::looks up from her keyboard:: Now I rememebr why I stopped writing these things...
God: Too late.
Author: Fuck.
...
IT HAD TO BE DONE.
