put your shirt back on

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

Hunh. See, this one's hard.

I like myself. I like my personality. I have always been 'that weird kid', because of my upbringing and my natural personality. I very quickly realized that I was not going to fit into society's mold of propriety, so I did not try. And in doing so, I accidentally became the person I'd always secretly hoped to be: the one your parents warned you about.

I'm loud, I'm crass, I have no manners. I don't give a damn about the holes in my jeans or the fact that my hair stands on end. I act like an idiot and I don't care if people think I have an IQ nearing room temperature. I jump in puddles and write graffiti on walls. I drive too fast, drink too much, and play my music too loud. I have piercings, I'm getting a tattoo, and I believe in premarital sex. I don't go to church and I break rules without a second thought, if I don't think there's a point to them. I have a sick, morbid sense of humor and a temper to match. I fight dirty and would probably lose, anyway.

In short, I'm a goddamn train wreck and try not to take myself too seriously.

I went to a physical therapy presentation yesterday, which translates into "sales pitch for USF". It was educational and interesting, but I still hated it.

I do not like sales pitches for 'elite schools', or schools of any kind, simply because they're an exercise in intimidation. They want you to look awesome on paper so the school can get a pretty, pretty feather in its cap when you graduate. While I can understand the desire for acceptable risk when accepting applicants, I do not appreciate the implication that I am not going to succeed anywhere, at all, unless I prove myself to be worthy of their attention. I am perhaps oversensitive to criticism, but having someone imply that I am not doing enough for them puts my back up in a big way.

This bothered me a lot in high school, when we'd be herded into the auditorium to hear local schools preach about their wonderful programs and elite scholastics and even more elite average GPA of accepted applicants. I only saw the upper side of the scale and became absolutely terrified of college, because I was an okay students, but I didn't live and breathe my studies. The implication was that little, lackadaisical people like me? Need not apply.

Well, I'm laughing in the face of that message, succeeding where so many of my more studious peers did not, but here again comes the parade of intimidation tactics and one-sided cautionary tales. People only talk about the best and the brightest or the ones who should have known better than to even bother. They stress the competition, the 'rewarding challenges' of their curriculum, the exclusivity of their student selection. No one wants to talk about the solid, stoic middle ground where you get by with no real accolades, but no real problems, either.

I called my father that night, not in a panic, but upset, nonetheless. I asked him, "How the hell did you stay motivated with all that bearing down on you?"

He said two things that I hope I never forget:

He asked me, "Well, you have a choice right now. Is this something you want to do?"
I told him yes, that this is something I was very interested in and wanted to explore further.
He said, "Okay. Now, here's my question. Do you want to be told what to do, or do you want to be the boss?"
"I don't understand."
"There are two paths, here, and they're both important. Physical therapy assistants are-"
And I cut him off, saying, "Dad. Give me a little credit. There is no way in hell that I am going to go through grad school to become somebody's assistant."
And he then told me, "That's your answer."

A professor once told him, while he was in med school, that you either are a doctor, or you aren't. And that's all there is to it. And while I am not a physician, I do believe that I have it in me to be a physical therapist. Because I will sooner quit school forever than become someone's assistant. And I mean that.

The second thing he told me was pretty awesome, too. He told me, "Yeah, their average accepted student has a 3.7. But there's 50% of students that have a GPA lower than 3.7. And you know what they call them?"
"What?"
"Physical therapists."

I love my dad.